As the publisher for MacaroniKID Madison, I think a lot about planning activities with kids. My goal is to help people end their day or weekends energized rather than exhausted–and three past encounters stick with me and inform my advice.
Years ago, I worked in an office (before kids) and had a Monday check-in with a co-worker who had young kids. We’d exchange pleasantries about our weekends. My wife and I would have might have done something outdoors, tried a new restaurant or local activity. My co-worker would recount kid sports or lessons and house projects, and usually seem more relieved to just be in a quiet office. Second, on a recent trip I met someone my age who had been to the same location earlier and I asked her for advice on the best places to go. She told me about one place and then said, well, “I got bored after a bit, but it was good for Instagram.” Finally, my wife works in public health, which takes a broad and holistic look at how to protect and improve health-which as we all learned from the pandemic is a really hard balance to find. Rather than mandates or regulations, she talks about “how to make the health choice, the easy choice.”
So, how can you make it easy to choose family activities that are invigorating and memorable–for you, not your social media feed? By knowing what you want, and lowering barriers to actually do it.
1. Know what you want.
Find, rest, leisure, or both. When I was a kid, my dad would tell us about upcoming family activities as “vacation” or a “trip,” to help us understand how much structure to expect. It made sense as a kid, and as a grownup I’ve learned there’s a more formal distinction to the idea of “rest” and “leisure.” Rest is something to take a break or help you refocus to get back to something else - think of the intermission at a show. Leisure is something you do for its own sake, not because it’s productive or leads to something else-and we should be ok with that! In fact, rest AND leisure (again, not the same) are actually both considered basic human rights.
The lesson is it’s totally fine to have a structured activity, and build in rest along the way. Having unstructured time is good for parents and especially kids. That doesn’t mean just stay home. Instead, seek out fun activities where you’ll have some time to enjoy it--not because it makes you feel virtuous, productive, cultured, or look good to others, but because you are actually interested in it.
Is it kid-friendly or kid-focused? One of the things I love in Madison is how many places are welcoming and friendly to kids. And while friends from other states have noted with amazement/horror that bars often fall into this category, it is important to think about if the place/venue/activity will be good for kids to be, well, kids. It stresses me out (and feels contradictory to how I try to parent) to bring my kids to a place and then try to keep them quiet and away from things when they just want to be curious and explore.
Plenty of activities are kid-focused, like a children’s museum, gym, or festival. Parents can have fun at these places too - and not just at seeing the joy on our kids’ faces (yes I hear the, awww), but the point is to plan for it and the kind of energy (and $) you want to spend. Also, while anywhere that’s kid-focused will also be kid-friendly, the inverse isn’t always true - and that’s a good thing. A bookstore or library with a kids area, a festival with games AND grown-up food, or concerts in a park with a playground can be great places to let kids play while parents socialize, play, or just rest! For example, my kids like the farmer’s market in part for samples, but mostly for climbing the Capitol steps, benches and hiding behind the trees.
2. Make it easy for you and your kids.
Get ready. Once you’ve found the activity or outing you want - take the public health approach and make it easier for your family to get out the door. One thing we do is keep a little pack that holds snacks and water bottles near the door. Bonus, they’re trendy now? Gathering food, water, clothes, etc. that you might need in advance can help make it easier to get going (or having a small stash in the car), and a little packing list (or pictures, for non-readers) can help get kids involved and excited too.
Get set. When I was a kid, my dad would get the AAA maps and ticker booklet with page-by-page directions. GPS and smartphones have solved that one, but thinking about timing for meals, driving distance, tickets, parking/drop off, and if structured activity is at a particular time can all help. There are plenty of apps out there, but we’ve found just having Google calendars we can each see and putting event details/schedules in the event and reminders works great.
Go -- with good alloparents, friends, and good company. Saying something is more fun with friends may seem obvious and unnecessary, but it’s actually more nuanced. Lots of research shows the benefits for parents and kids of “alloparenting” (having others who can help take care or watch of your kids) and that’s true not just for work emergencies or date nights, but for all kinds of outings. Having others to do the bathroom breaks, push the swings, or wait in the face painting line can make things a lot easier for everyone. The next step is finding people who are both good friends and good company. Good friends are reliable, responsive, and helpful - and good company are people you like to be around. Like other lessons, not all good friends are good company (again, that can be ok for kids to just have good playmates), and having some of each is helpful in different ways.
Say no. Actually, say, yes, no, yes. We know all the millennial/GenZ stereotypes about canceling plans, jokes about how easy it is to NOT do things, and of course there is an app for that. But there’s a healthier way to choose activities and avoid over commitment. First, say YES to what’s important to you, be confident (and assertive) in saying no, and find a way to say yes to something in a different form and maintain a relationship. For example, if your kids ask about going to the trampoline park on a beautiful day, instead of just saying “nope [thinking, 'did it last week, ugh not again!'] saying “We ARE going on a hike by the lake and will have a picnic, we’re not going to the trampoline park, and we can go again on a rainy day.” A related lesson is simply to not rush, and allow for kids to explore (yes, that little bug is awesome, yes, that row of benches will make for an epic balance beam run especially the 5th time through, yes, the "it’s the journey and not just the destination" cliché can be true) and know that you’ll have time and energy for that other activity another day.
So by learning to: 1) find kid-friendly or kid-focused activities that will bring you rest, leisure, or both depending on what your family needs; and 2) making it easy to get ready, set, and go with the right people (and saying yes to what you want, and no when it’s not), your family activities should leave you with great memories and energy for the next one.
Of course, I'd hope you'll go check the MacaroniKID calendar to find it 🙂
I also presented these ideas with AmericanFamily DreamBank in August, 2023. A recording of that discussion is available here.
| Aaron Seligman is a Madison dad and publisher of MacaroniKID Madison (formerly Hulafrog). You can can sign up to receive the free weekly newsletter by visiting: https://madisonwi.macaronikid.com/subscribe In addition to events in the Madison area, MacaroniKID be bringing reviews and insights about events and activities, as well as featuring exciting ideas, helpful businesses, and other resources for families throughout the year. You can see upcoming events on the calendar (and share your own for free), follow MacaroniKID Madison on Facebook and Instagram and contact Aaron about advertising, cross-promotions or other partnerships and ideas and feedback |  |
